“Share of Throat”
Useless corporate jargon tends to baffle and delight me in equal parts. But months ago I encountered a phrase that plays in a league of its own.
I was working on behalf of an agency helping a brand launch a new flavor line. The brand manager explained that the launch was part of their push to increase **Share of Throat** by 5%.
"Share of Throat"
Absolutely not. Put that back where you found it.
What in the world?
Where did "market share" fail to warrant the dystopian reboot?
Forget being unnecessary and boring, "share of throat" feels...medieval? And disturbingly clinical. Like butchers negotiating at a cattle auction.
Human throats aren't plots of land to be claimed. I never thought that would be something that needed stating, but here we are.
Is the board also expecting an uptick in Cut of Esophagus and Organ Capture?
If a brand owns a majority share of my throat, does that mean it technically belongs to them? Like could Levis technically could deny me knee surgery because they own a majority Share of Legs?
If we're calling to replace "kill two birds with one stone" with "feed to birds with one scone" in the name of less violent-sounding language at work, surely "Share of Throat" should be an easy one to leave behind, no?
Thoughts? Any other nominees that would like to challenge Share of Throat's as the Gross Marketing Nonsense Champion of the World?
Let me know in the comments below, and together we can increase Synapse Occupancy of your Target Audience by 50%.